


Jojostuck Chapter 1 - Showtime

by Griever1337



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 18:11:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20451398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griever1337/pseuds/Griever1337
Summary: The story begins!Taking place in a strange alternate universe, Rose wakes up in a deserted jail cell, completely alone. Except for what she perceives to be an evil spirit. She quickly finds herself with more company in John Egbert, fresh from the Game Over timeline, and gets in a magical proxy fistfight with a muscular chicken man.





	1. Chapter 1

> Jojostuck: Commence.

JOHN: huh?

ROSE: What in the name of...  
ROSE: Who the hell are you, and how did you get in this cell?  
JOHN: oh god, did i just retcon into a jail cell?  
ROSE: Answer my question.  
JOHN: oh, uh, hi! i’m john!  
JOHN: and...i guess you don’t know me, judging by the tone of your voice.  
JOHN: i mean, that only makes sense! things seem kinda weird here already, actually.  
JOHN: you’re rose, right?  
ROSE: ...Yes, that’s me.  
ROSE: I’d ask how you knew my name, but I’ve got more pressing matters at hand.  
ROSE: You might want to leave if you value your life.

JOHN: what do you mean?  
JOHN: why are you in jail, anyways?  
ROSE: Well, I just sent ten delinquents to the hospital.  
ROSE: They’ll be alright, but it seems that I’ve been possessed by an evil spirit that took them all out.  
JOHN: oh man, the last time a similar thing happened you started speaking all sorts of eldritch gibberish!  
ROSE: ...What?  
JOHN: guess i'll have to explain that later, huh?  
JOHN: are you alright rose?  
ROSE: I’ll be fine. I’m going to test the abilities of this evil spirit very shortly.  
ROSE: And what exactly do you mean by "last time"?  
ROSE: Where did you come from?  
JOHN: ah, well, i just came from an alternate timeline, i guess.  
JOHN: it’s really hard to explain fully, but a different version of you was my friend and we played a game together that destroyed the world!  
ROSE: …  
ROSE: What?  
JOHN: our situation in the other timeline was about as ridiculous as it gets - that game was by no means a normal thing!  
ROSE: That’s not what I was thinking, but...  
ROSE: I suppose that I was hoping it wasn’t a "normal thing", but with alternate timelines and dimensions and universes, well, anything can change.  
ROSE: I’m almost inclined to dismiss your story, but then again, I literally just encountered a ghost.  
ROSE: A ghost that decided it wanted to punch people in the face.  
JOHN: so...when are you going to get out of jail, anyways?  
JOHN: i guess you're in here because that thing that possessed you hurt people, but the rose i know wouldn't hurt people on purpose or anything!  
ROSE: I'm not sure you know me as well as you think.  
ROSE: Regardless, this prison will hold me until I deem myself safe.  
ROSE: The warden actually says that I’m free to go, but this spirit is dangerous.  
ROSE: I can tell because it allowed me to take this gun through the wall.  
JOHN: w-what!?

JOHN: rose, what the hell are YOU doing!?  
JOHN: don’t shoot yourself just because you have an evil spirit!  
JOHN: surely there’s gotta be a better way to solve this!  
ROSE: Relax. I’m simply testing my “evil spirit.”  
ROSE: Is it protecting me?  
ROSE: Or is it simply a force of brute strength?  
ROSE: And does it have the ability to catch bullets at this range?  
JOHN: rose i swear to god if you don’t put that gun down-  
ROSE: Surely if I die you can simply use your odd transportation ability to save me.  
JOHN: well, i mean…  
JOHN: it would be pretty fucked up to see you die again!  
JOHN: but if you’re really, really sure about this…  
JOHN: i trust your judgment, rose!  
ROSE: You’re...very trusting.  
ROSE: If I knew you better I’d find that admirable but with these circumstances it makes you seem very naive.  
ROSE: It’s almost disconcerting really, that you'd let a girl shoot herself in the face right in front of you because she thinks she'll survive.  
ROSE: What if I were lying?  
JOHN: pfft.  
JOHN: rose, i can tell you're not lying about any of this!  
JOHN: and even if you are, well, i've got your back.  
ROSE: ...  
ROSE: Thanks.  
ROSE: Anyways, let’s get this over with. My mom’s almost at this cell.  
JOHN: your what-?

> Holly Kujo's replacement: Enter.

OH NO!

Your beautiful, sweet, precious daughter is staying in a cell and shooting themselves in the head! How could this possibly be happening?!

And on a much less distressing note, what do you mean, "replacement for Holly Kujo"? Who's Holly? Why a replacement? You're just Ms. Paint, and Rose is your loving daughter, who by the way JUST SHOT HERSELF IN THE HEAD!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Wait a minute...

You don't believe this - something caught the bullet before it even got close to touching Rose!

That must mean that the evil spirit that she's talking about is the real deal...

ROSE: If you look closely, you can see the spectral hand of this spirit.  
ROSE: Its precision and stopping power is enormous and more than a little dangerous, to say the least.  
ROSE: I'll let myself out of here once I learn everything about this mystical force.  
ROSE: But for right now, you should go back home, mom.  
JOHN: wait, this is your mom, rose?  
ROSE: Yes, John. Is that not the case in the universe where you came from?  
JOHN: no, but i guess this universe is just full of weird things like that.  
ROSE: Interesting, but from my perspective, your universe would be the bizarre one.  
JOHN: wait, why is your mom one of those shell people from prospit, anyways?  
JOHN: it doesn't really make any sense! in sburb, there was a reason for them to be with us, but here they just...  
JOHN: they just seem shoehorned in at random for some reason, with no attention to detail!  
ROSE: John, it's not like your line of inquiry isn't appreciated.  
ROSE: But I'll have to retort - what's wrong with the lack of reasoning for one's existence?  
ROSE: As far as I can see, there's no given reason for any of us specifically to exist. Yet we persist despite that.  
ROSE: So I see nothing wrong with my mother having a hard shell for skin - it's likely nothing in this universe is here for any reason other than "why not?".  
JOHN: damn, you got me there.  
JOHN: yeah, forget i asked. let's just see what's up with the ghost dude.

> Ms. Paint: Figure out what to do.

You’re not really sure where to start! Rose said something about seeing a faint spectral hand, but try as you might, you couldn’t see a thing! The policemen (who were totally off-panel by the way), couldn’t see a thing either!

But maybe you do know someone that could figure this out...

...

Yeah, you're just going to have to call your mother to help settle this whole cell situation. She knows a lot about weird things like this.


	2. Chapter 2

> Be the Jojostuck version of Joseph Joestar.

You are now WQ. Right now, you’re in your office in New York city and-

Well shit, the picture quality got about a million times worse when you showed up. You’re largely sure it’s not correlated with your appearance, though. Whoever’s depicting these events probably just wanted to update some of the earliest panels to look good, in order to show that a level of art evolution does take place. 

In any case, to any outsiders that have watched Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure before, this might seem weird. Why is WQ, of all people in Homestuck, the replacement for Joseph Joestar? Anyone looking at this from the outside inwards would likely find this a strange choice, as the White Queen is one of the most enigmatic and silent characters in Homestuck, and Joseph could not stop yelling about everything even if he tried.

I’d like to advise those outsiders not to worry. They’ll find out the justification behind this soon enough. Right now, WQ - that is, you, are getting a call from your loving daughter, Ms. Paint, at the moment.

She says that Rose is staying in jail because of some "crazy evil spirit." You decide to come over to Japan to help figure out what's going on with Rose right away. You have a feeling you know what this "evil spirit" of hers is.

> WQ: Reunite with your loving daughter.

You touch down in a Japanese airport a few hours later. It’s rather adorable when Ms. Paint gives you a big hug. You don’t even have to worry about anyone around you judging you, since they’re all just faceless blobs.

After a brief reunion, you and Ms. Paint head to the jail.

You peer into the cell that Rose has inhabited, and also there's another boy in there for some reason. You tell Rose to get out of the cell.

ROSE: I'm sorry, but you're going to have to dispel the notion that I'd choose to willingly come out of this cell.  
ROSE: The spirit is rather powerful. If I were to guess, I'd have to say that it could tear you in half with its bare hands.  
ROSE: Actually, I'm not entirely sure what it looks like, so it might have seven or eight hands.  
ROSE: By that point, I suppose the idea that it could rend you in two with its hands becomes a foregone conclusion.  
ROSE: In any case, I'd still advise you not to come closer.

That was a bust. She'll probably understand more about her predicament given more evidence.

You're going to have to let your friend from Egypt have a go at this. You tell him to get on screen and break Rose out of this cell, forcefully.

> Be Jojostuck’s Muhammad Avdol.

Hello there. I believe we’ve already met, in one way or another. 

Before I go any further with what I have to say, you must be extremely confused about how each of us "fit" into our so-called roles as replacements. Why, for example, do I "stand in" for Avdol?

It's rather simple, actually. Many of the characters in that series have "stands". Stands are the psychic manifestation of our will, invisible to those without stands. That is what Rose has. She has developed a stand, and I intend to show her my own: Magician's Green.

The replacements for each character from the series of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure are matched based on the [original official Homestuck Tarot Cards.](https://imgur.com/a/kTz8F) I am on the Magician card, so I gain the stand "Magician's Green", and replace Avdol. If you wish to remain blissfully ignorant about the identities of most of the characters, do not look into that link.

I hope you understand all that, because I will not go over it again.

ROSE: Incredible. Somehow you've immediately shattered the record of how quickly someone can get on my nerves.  
ROSE: Usually one would have to verbally irritate me, but with you, it's practically instinctual.  
My, my. Such a mess you're about to make.  
This may get a little bit violent, young lady.  
I think it’s about time to show you my Magician’s Green.  
ROSE: Oh god. That better not be a euphemism.

ROSE: Wow! I hate this.  
ROSE: Mind telling me what I’m looking at?  
This is a psychic manifestation of my will - Magician's Green.  
You can see its power fairly clearly - it's a giant chicken on fire. And it can control green flames.  
ROSE: This can't possibly get more inane.  
JOHN: rose, no! don't say that!  
JOHN: that's practically a guarantee that everything will get even more stupid!  
ROSE: I suppose I've made a grave error, then?  
Save your breath, girl. My stand is about to close in on you. Quite intimately, I might add.  
ROSE: Oh dear god.

Magician’s Green: Intimately slam Rose into the wall.

Rose: Think of a way out of this.

It looks like you're going to have to summon that evil spirit - your so-called Stand!

It's just a manifestation of one's will, right? Which means you just have to...

...will it...

...into existence!

Rose: Summon your stand.

ROSE: That's it, I am done with this.  
ROSE: My stand is out. And since you weren’t here earlier, I think it’s worth telling you that it has the strength, speed, and precision to catch a bullet.  
ROSE: If you don't back off, then it's going to punch a hole through your stupid spherical face.  
ROSE: Is that clear?  
My job has already been finished.  
ROSE: Explain yourself.  
I was merely tasked with getting you two out of the cell. And you just stepped out of it, after your stand bent the iron bars apart.  
But of course, you saw and experienced that, so why do I need to tell you? Perhaps you like hearing the sound of my voice.  
ROSE: ...  
ROSE: I'm done. John, get out here.  
JOHN: is it all over?  
JOHN: geez, that was getting intense.  
JOHN: can we just sit down somewhere and catch our breath? maybe just talk a little after that actiony thing you guys did?  
ROSE: Sure. My grandmother here probably has some other important things to say.


	3. Chapter 3

WQ: Say some important things.

You can’t exactly SAY anything, much less important things. That would be out of character, mostly because you don’t have a mouth to talk with. 

You’re really not sure how Doc Scratch does it.

And besides, you’re really not sure how to break it to your granddaughter that she needs to help kill a century old vampire dog girl.

In conclusion, your Stand is like an extremely powerful, violence-prone manifestation of your soul.  
Only you and other Stand users can see it.  
It will also protect you, so if anything, it’s more like a guardian angel.  
And, considering what’s in your future, you’re going to be needing its service very soon.  
ROSE: So you’re a fortune teller, then?  
In a manner of speaking, yes. I’m practically omniscient at all times.  
ROSE: I don’t buy that for a second.  
ROSE: Besides, this whole concept of “Stands” seems vague and contrived in nature.  
JOHN: rose what are you talking about? they sound awesome! will I get a stand?  
As you once inhabited an alternate universe, presumably without Stands, I would have to say that it’s rather unlikely.  
JOHN: aww.

ROSE: So for what reason am I getting these new powers, anyways?  
That, Miss Lalonde, is the other reason we came to find you.  
You see, WQ here also has a stand, known as Hermit Purple.  
It has the ability to create spirit photographs, but only after crushing a 30,000 yen camera.  
ROSE: That’s easily the stupidest power I’ve ever heard of, and you just got done showing me an exceedingly ripped burning chicken man.  
Regardless, you should observe your grandmother.

> WQ: Do something worth observing.

JOHN: what?!  
JOHN: but that’s…  
Yes. It’s Jade Harley. A one-hundred year old vampire that’s resurfaced from the depths of the sea.  
JOHN: okay, wow. i’m not looking at this picture anymore.  
ROSE: So my grandma can destroy cameras for free nudes of hot vampire girls?  
ROSE: I change my mind. Clearly this is the greatest stand anyone could have.  
WQ’s grandmother was killed by this girl, and apparently Harley stole her body from the neck down.  
You can tell because of the Joestar birthmark in the shape of a star on the nape of her neck. WQ has it, Ms. Paint has it, and Rose, you have it as well.  
ROSE: I see. But what are you getting at?  
The point is that you all have gained Stands because Jade herself has developed a Stand. And she’s likely plotting something dastardly.  
JOHN: aw geez.  
JOHN: are you saying that my sister is going to be the big bad villain in this universe?  
I have little knowledge of the events of other timelines and alternate dimensions like that which you came from, John.  
However, none of that matters here.  
Whatever happens, you’ll have to fight her in the end, Rose.  
JOHN: i mean you have a point, but...  
JOHN: i still don’t really appreciate having to look for and fight her, completely out of the blue???  
JOHN: ESPECIALLY when it’s based off of like, a vague shadowy...topless photo like this.  
JOHN: eugh.  
ROSE: John brings up a good point. What do I personally have to gain from travelling to wherever the hell she is and kicking her ass?  
JOHN: which you are probably not going to do, hopefully???  
You don’t have anything to gain at the moment. We don’t even know what she’s doing, or where she is.  
Just be on the lookout for anything malicious. It’ll likely connect to Miss Harley.  
And with that, I bid you a temporary farewell.

With that, Doc Scratch and WQ promptly leave to Ms. Paint’s house.

You have a feeling it’s going to be a long couple of months with them.

<===TO BE CONTINUED=== 

END OF CHAPTER 1


End file.
